My feral baby

     As mom’s we’re all on the same team but let’s be honest… not all struggles are created equal. Mothers of feral children have a completely different experience than those of chill kids. There are no metals in parenting so don’t take that as a criticism or failure and come at me claws bared. It won’t be fun for either of us but probably mostly you… because I have a bad habit of eviscerating folks. I have very little chill which probably explains why God saw fit to bless me with feral children. Children who look at the world through untamed eyes and see everything as an adventure or conquest.

   Things you may experience as the mother of feral children include but are not limited to:

               

• Rushed Thanksgiving trips to the Emergency room with a toddler who snapped both her radius and ulna at a 45-degree angle because she was trying to go down her bunk bed ladder upside down.
  

• Coming down the hall to find your toddler naked as the day she was born, squatted over a fresh pile of poo, holding up both middle fingers that she happened to dip in said poo.
  

• Calling every dentist within a 30 mile radius on a Friday afternoon, begging them to take you RIGHT THIS SECOND because your child climbs EVERY DANG THING and fell... again... This time biting a hole through her tongue, cracking one tooth and completely breaking another in half.

• You've ever found a random log of poop on top of the dresser.
• You've accepted that baby gates cannot even slow them down.
  

• You panic when your toddlers get quiet not because you're worried they made a mess, like pulled out all the cereal but because they probably painted the house. 
  
  
  

• You've flipped your husband for cleaning the poop off the kid of cleaning the things the kid smeared the poop on.
• You've fashioned "poop gloves" out of layers of plastic grocery bags so you can scrub your poop covered child and then toss the glove.
  
• You've ever insisted your children free the cat from the mailbox. 
• You've ever explained to your child why they shouldn't wasps. 
  
• You've ever listened to a toddler give a long explanation of him witnessing the cat pooping human size poop in the dollhouse and it most certainly wasn't him. 
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• You've given up on pulling them out of mud puddles and just strip them so they don't ruin more clothes. 

• You have never felt the overwhelming terror that a mom feels when their child is truly in life threatening danger and nearly busted your front door off its hinges to barrel across the front yard in your panties to save your son because your kids were playing cowboys and decided to hang their brother with an ill made, jump rope noose. (there was no obviously time for pix)
• They repurpose everyday inanimate objects with no regard that you may have been using that for something. 
  
   

• You carry on normal conversation, completely unfazed as your toddler uses you as a human jungle gym. 
  

• You've had to explain to confused company why neither you or your husband acknowledged your child leaving through the doggy door because it's so common, it's not even notable in your brain. 

• You've ever had to let them learn on their own because no amount of “NO! It will hurt.” is going to convince them.
  
• You’ve never caught your child peeing in your best cast-iron pan, IN THE BACK YARD.

• You’ve ever rushed a kid to the ER because she fractured her collar bone trying to see if she could stay in the hammock while another kid swung it in a complete circle (spoiler alert, she couldn’t). 

   The thing about feral kids is they don't possess the normal amount of fear or self preservation. It never occurs to them that things COULD go badly, they experience life completely untethered. While it can be scary for parents it's also an amazing gift. They feel the world in a big way so all of their emotions are felt to the extreme which of course means fits can get banana sandwich crazy but it also means the joy they feel is apparent in every cell of their body. 

I love my feral baby around the milky way and back and I wouldn't change a thing about her for all the gold in the world. She brings smiles wherever she goes, she keeps us on our toes; she is light in the darkness, she wasn't put on this planet to be ordinary, my feral baby is a supernova in all of her splendor! She'll change the world, you just wait and see.